I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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