Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
