Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
