And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
