Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
