Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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