My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
