I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I can't put those talents on a resume
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
