i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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