i can't believe i had my finger in that
Quick, to the slutcave!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
