If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
