remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
