onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
