did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Two words: nipple clamps
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