Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
