WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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