dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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