sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
