This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm at about main and main street
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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