I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
