I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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