We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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