I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Two words: nipple clamps
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