Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
