i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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