Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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