My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
