hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize