sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
