do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
