Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
