just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
That's when you crack a 10am beer
high people should be assigned attendants
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
