Got a toothbrush?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
