Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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