just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize