my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
