question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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