i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
