guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
