I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
