why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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