you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You pole danced in your parka.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
