I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
