I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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