I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
