bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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