i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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