But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize