I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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