If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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