best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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