Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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