I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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