Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
