Will you blow on my dice?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
