My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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