Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize