Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Send help, water and tortillas.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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