You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
