Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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