shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
