he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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