i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
