We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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