i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
