i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
