You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize