Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
