I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
