She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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