officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
