Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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