No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
